my neck hurtsOver the past five years I have isolated so many people from myself. I am having a hard time figuring out who is against me anymore. I believe decades of internet has completely destroyed my ability to make new friends on the internet, or in the real world. I have such severe paranoid episodes that always end in me pushing away one of the few people who talked to me. one of many reasons ive considered isolation recently.... Im convinced most everyone who knows me is in some way against me. I wish god would guide me. I am so lost, and everyday vivid hauntings of things in the past come back and hit me.
I dont want anyone to do anything. I dont want to do anything, I just want to find someone who likes me, and then befriend them. This would be easier if I wasnt so naturally unlikable. Due to how bumpy things in the past have done (and how well documented the internet is) it is nearly impossible for me to talk to someone who doesnt have some pre-formed disposition towards me.
Is what I'm looking for impossible to attain? I wish very badly to just have one person, just one, that I can trust fully.
kuznote: happy 1 month anniversary, kuz.lol.